Santa Singh
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics .... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass .... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement...
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass .... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement...
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!
Rajnikant Knows Everyone & Everyone Knows Rajnikant
Rajnikant was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone, Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.
Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts :--- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”...Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says.”President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts.”Yes", Rajini says, "I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ..."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".
Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican... Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?"
Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
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"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"
Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts :--- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”...Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says.”President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts.”Yes", Rajini says, "I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ..."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".
Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican... Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?"
Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
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.
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"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"
Modern definitions for today's office!
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
Tester Rocks...
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
Tester Rocks...
Easy way to reduce weight...Interesting .
One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym. guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.."God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg.""No problem," says the manager.Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign. "If I catch you, you're mine."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.."God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg.""No problem," says the manager.Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign. "If I catch you, you're mine."
Police Protection-nice one
Give a few minutes of your precious time..
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people.
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